Have you ever gone out with someone, everything seemed right, I may even say perfect and then in a 72 hour period everything changes? You get a visit from someone telling you that he no longer wants to see you because he "can't give you what you want" although the question about what you wanted never came up? It has happened to me recently and it left me very puzzled. The questions bubbled up in my head. Did I do/say something wrong? What happened in those 72 hours in which we did not see each other? What or who made him change his mind? This is someone who on our first encounter his eyes were imprinted on my mind. Someone who quickly made me smitten, who I can laugh at his jokes, who although I met in a cold January I could picture a summer with him.
Our time together was limited due to our travel schedules but the brief moments, even the mundane ones sitting on my couch meant something to me. I smiled as I read the sweet text messages and felt his anxiousness to see me again. After a 2011 filled with disappointment I thought this was my reward for all I had endured. For all the times I swore I never would date a Belgian man again, this Flemish man was quickly finding his way into my heart.
It was exactly five weeks from the day we met when I received the "we need to talk" warning as we had a date planned that evening. I already had the feeling before hearing it from him. I guess I have dated enough to know it. I have done the talk myself to others. However, there is something about hearing those words, live from that person that really sinks the reality into you. I know I have complained about the "Houdini" the person who disappears before on this blog and how much that hurts. I don't know if having the person you can see yourself falling in love with telling you that "I just don't feel it anymore, I just can't give you what you want" hurts more or less. The tears slowly streamed down my eyes and there was not much to say. I am a firm believer that no one should make another person stay. There is only one choice but to let go. As I opened the door to let him leave I just hoped that the universe somehow would bring him back. That was not up to me to decide.
A few months passed and time began to heal its wounds. As I get older, I see that the failures of the past compound the freshest of wounds. It seems sometimes as if the smallest of falls seem bigger that what they really are. I always thought of him but there was nothing I could do about it. Some people think we have to "fight" for the person we care about. I think people should like you for who you are, not because of a movie-like grandiose gesture.
I started to acknowledge that was just a small memory in the collage of men who I had love or liked and lost. To learn to appreciate the good times and have hope to relive those feeling with another person who feels the same way about you. When all of this began to make sense to me, he walked again into my life and when our eyes met again, I had the same feeling all over. Part of me was trying not to acknowledge this and the other part wanted to continue the chapter I had so painfully closed before.
This time we met on other circumstances. We were in a group of friends, trying to be friendly, both pretending that we were over those five weeks we spent together. I would find his eyes crossing mine and his deep gaze as we danced. As alcohol fueled the evening, I had to ask the question. "Why can't this work?" I got the same response as I did ten weeks ago. "I just don't feel it anymore, I just can't give you what you want". During this same evening, I also discovered through my friend who was oblivious of our history that his previous chapter before me may not be over.
From my past experiences, I have learned to keep details from the past very short. Sometimes, the more we know about the past the more we begin to compare ourselves or make hypothetical scenarios. I try to think that this is my time to make memories in the present and future, not to dwell in the past. Now I wonder now if that was a mistake.
That evening I accepted an invitation to his home to dinner. My friend was visiting from the US and he wanted to be hospitable. Apparently something made him feel more open about his feelings to my friend. My assumption is that he had nothing to lose telling a stranger about his life. The dinner conversation had snippets of the previous relationship that I was not aware of. Those snippets also made me believe that he has not closed that chapter of his life yet. Not in the way that he is still romantically involved, but in the way that he is still not over her. This same evening we danced, the same eye contact of our first encounter. We take a picture and you can clearly see the chemistry. I had to ask third parties as I was so puzzled I thought my mind in my loneliness was inventing these feelings. Third parties concurred with me, there is something there. On our walk to my car, I find his arm around me, keeping me warm. So many things unexplained. Does he like me? Does he like me and his failure to move on is what keeps him from “not being able to give me what I want”? Did an encounter with his ex in that 72 hours period before our demise led to the breakup? Will this ever evolve beyond our current status where we pretend to be friends with him when I am not interested in just being friends?
The answer to these questions more than likely is that I will never know. The fact is that as much as I get knocked down, I am an optimist. I believe in love. I also believe that although tears can be shed and disappointments felt, the feeling that you can get from that first encounter is completely worth it. Win or lose.
Our time together was limited due to our travel schedules but the brief moments, even the mundane ones sitting on my couch meant something to me. I smiled as I read the sweet text messages and felt his anxiousness to see me again. After a 2011 filled with disappointment I thought this was my reward for all I had endured. For all the times I swore I never would date a Belgian man again, this Flemish man was quickly finding his way into my heart.
It was exactly five weeks from the day we met when I received the "we need to talk" warning as we had a date planned that evening. I already had the feeling before hearing it from him. I guess I have dated enough to know it. I have done the talk myself to others. However, there is something about hearing those words, live from that person that really sinks the reality into you. I know I have complained about the "Houdini" the person who disappears before on this blog and how much that hurts. I don't know if having the person you can see yourself falling in love with telling you that "I just don't feel it anymore, I just can't give you what you want" hurts more or less. The tears slowly streamed down my eyes and there was not much to say. I am a firm believer that no one should make another person stay. There is only one choice but to let go. As I opened the door to let him leave I just hoped that the universe somehow would bring him back. That was not up to me to decide.
A few months passed and time began to heal its wounds. As I get older, I see that the failures of the past compound the freshest of wounds. It seems sometimes as if the smallest of falls seem bigger that what they really are. I always thought of him but there was nothing I could do about it. Some people think we have to "fight" for the person we care about. I think people should like you for who you are, not because of a movie-like grandiose gesture.
I started to acknowledge that was just a small memory in the collage of men who I had love or liked and lost. To learn to appreciate the good times and have hope to relive those feeling with another person who feels the same way about you. When all of this began to make sense to me, he walked again into my life and when our eyes met again, I had the same feeling all over. Part of me was trying not to acknowledge this and the other part wanted to continue the chapter I had so painfully closed before.
This time we met on other circumstances. We were in a group of friends, trying to be friendly, both pretending that we were over those five weeks we spent together. I would find his eyes crossing mine and his deep gaze as we danced. As alcohol fueled the evening, I had to ask the question. "Why can't this work?" I got the same response as I did ten weeks ago. "I just don't feel it anymore, I just can't give you what you want". During this same evening, I also discovered through my friend who was oblivious of our history that his previous chapter before me may not be over.
From my past experiences, I have learned to keep details from the past very short. Sometimes, the more we know about the past the more we begin to compare ourselves or make hypothetical scenarios. I try to think that this is my time to make memories in the present and future, not to dwell in the past. Now I wonder now if that was a mistake.
That evening I accepted an invitation to his home to dinner. My friend was visiting from the US and he wanted to be hospitable. Apparently something made him feel more open about his feelings to my friend. My assumption is that he had nothing to lose telling a stranger about his life. The dinner conversation had snippets of the previous relationship that I was not aware of. Those snippets also made me believe that he has not closed that chapter of his life yet. Not in the way that he is still romantically involved, but in the way that he is still not over her. This same evening we danced, the same eye contact of our first encounter. We take a picture and you can clearly see the chemistry. I had to ask third parties as I was so puzzled I thought my mind in my loneliness was inventing these feelings. Third parties concurred with me, there is something there. On our walk to my car, I find his arm around me, keeping me warm. So many things unexplained. Does he like me? Does he like me and his failure to move on is what keeps him from “not being able to give me what I want”? Did an encounter with his ex in that 72 hours period before our demise led to the breakup? Will this ever evolve beyond our current status where we pretend to be friends with him when I am not interested in just being friends?
The answer to these questions more than likely is that I will never know. The fact is that as much as I get knocked down, I am an optimist. I believe in love. I also believe that although tears can be shed and disappointments felt, the feeling that you can get from that first encounter is completely worth it. Win or lose.











